Frustration. Isn't even in my lexicon anymore. (Translations)

I care-I did care, but now, since you're actually speaking your mind and I don't like it, I'm going to act like I don't

I don't deserve second chances-I know you're going to give me one anyway, so this is just for the record

You can trust me-Tell me what you're thinking or I'm going to guilt trip you in to telling me what I don't want to hear

I won't think you're stupid-I'll just tell you indirectly what a bitch you are and that you "hurt" me

I don't like crushing people-I don't like maiming people other than you. You're my target practice.

~~How I say it, How you take it

I LAUGHED when you said that-(meaning)-You liar, you do that to me all the time-(taken as)-Haha, you suck at life

I feel sick when I see that-I feel like I'm going to cry, vomit and die all at the same time-I just hate you

Doesn't seem like you care-You're being a douche, apologize, NOW-Oh, you're acting just fine

Don't make  me regret this-I will kick your ass if you're fucking with my head-Meh, I'll give you more chances

I feel like shit-I'm asking you to ask me what's wrong so I can tell you and trust you again-I hate you. Go away.

I don't know what to do anymore..-You're confusing me, stop asking questions and help me-*Nag nag nag nag nag*

I'm trying to help-I'm trying to make sure you don't become like me-I just like nagging you

Calm down I'm ain't even mad(:-FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU I HATE YOUR FUCKING GUTS NEXT TIME I SEE YOU I'M GOING TO CUT OFF YOUR BALLS AND MAKE YOU EAT THEM-I ain't even mad

I'm done today-I'm going off to bed to cry, even though I told myself I wouldn't cry over you again-I'll be running back to you tomorrow

I don't like trusting people-I'M PISSED AT YOU. MAKE ME LAUGH OR GO AWAY-Keep bugging me, it'll help in the long run

~Moral? Never trust anyone again without knowing if they are going to stab you in the back...repeatedly... and lie too your face...and so on...

...

I speak my mind to fast and don't think of the consequences...
Well I guess that's the end of THOSE friendships...
Unless it's not and I can try to fix it.
Gr... CNCNRIEA
I hate emotions.
I hate relationships.
I hate feeling like I could trust people.
You won't get yelled at.
...yes I did
No one will be mad!
...yes they are
Just trust me.
I did, and I feel even worse.
When did people get so complex?
Where did my friends go?
I guess I'm just all washed out again...
But is it all my fault?
I mean we both are yelling.
We both are hurting.
We both are saying things we don't mean.
...right?

DNUCYRENIOCNIONCRJLKUNDPOSA

...anger is not a good trait. Neither is compassion, forgiveness or even pity.
Sadly I have all 4 and others that are bad.
I'm done with second chances.
I'm done with believing lies.
I'm don't thinking you will change.
Because I haven't seen any in my eyes.
STFU!
If you didn't think I would yell and get upset at you,
You don't know me.
I've given you so many second chances.
And you threw them away.
God, what am I going to do?
I guess I just trust the wrong people.
Maybe I do trust the right ones...
But it seems like they are all pushing me away.
(Maye if you weren't a self-centered sensitive fuck-tard, people would start caring.)
.......thanks
(Just doing my job)
....Fuck you and the little duck you rode in on.
(Suck my dick, bitch.)
*sigh* Fighting is horrible, just fighting with myself was enough
(Guess not.)
Shut the fuck up.
(Never, and you know it)
NCDILWAHCOYN
(o.o Okay, okay)
Thank you.
Enough ranting for today.
Hope that everything goes better today and that I *don't* have to yell anymore.

Wow... I really feel like a fail today.

3 months.
3 ENTIRE months.
3 months of pure hell, and when I thought I had finally gotten over it, no.
3 months later. Here I am. Doing it again.
The one time I *really* try to not do it, even though the urges are unbearable.
I do it.
And everyone wonders why I feel like such a failure at life...
What's worse is I don't know what made me snap so hard, or so fast.
I just can't believe that after all that time, I would even THINK about actually doing it again.
Of course I always thought about it, but I never did it.
Only in fear of getting caught.
People have worse problems than me, I have *nothing* to be depressed about.
Or, at least that's what my parents want me to believe.
God, I thought I had gotten this under control.
Another bad aspect is I did it in a noticeable place.
8 cuts.
Not 7 not 9.
8.
OCD much? (CDO)
Fail, insane, horrid, god-forsaken, brat.
That's what I am.
....
So yeah that's the end of my rant today.....

:/ This has been a facepalm of a week...

So this week? EPIC facepalm.
Oh, now great, people are pissed at me .
What did I do..?
I got upset of something interpreted wrong, because I was upset about something else.
And then told someone else and they ended up yelling at the person thats mad at me.
Now, I feel like I wish I was never born.
All this proves is that I cause people pain.
I feel bad about it... but the person, doesn't seem to realize that I am.
Do I feel horrid? Yes.
Should I feel horrid? Yes.
but what should I do with this horrid feeling?
It's not going to go away..
It's not going to disappear...
AHHH SHIIAATTT
I have to go down to the guidance counsler...
I don't wanna go. I feel guilty enough.
What does she want?
I dunno... probably for scheduling....
Still, I've told people too much.
She's probably going to send my to the hospital....
Scared? Yes I am.....
Oh God, I feel like I'm going to vomit... and then cry... and then vomit some more...
What the hell am I going to do?
I dunno, but theres gotta be something I can do to calm down...
GOD I AM SO DONE.

Poems from a Wanna-Be Poe....

Teh Link!


^So, that wonderful link right there? It will take you to the curious land of WattPad.com.
Probably the best writing site, EVA.
Where I write...
and stuff.
So here's 2 of the poems I've written...
Hope you like them (:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Withdraw.




The walls turn.
Faces start to appear.
Any noises make you jump out of your skin.
The sight of people you love,
Makes you scream.
Everything hurts when you touch it.
The pain you used to love,
Actually starts to hurt.
Demons appear.
Ghosts come alive.
Vampires come to get you.Something gets louder.
It sounds like a train.
Then you realize.
You.
Need.
It.
It's just that simple.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dreams




There's someone in my dreams.
He makes them wonderful.
Yet, he makes them worse.
I want to hate him.
Oh, I want to hate him so much.
Will I?
No.
Should I?
Yes.
Can I?
Never.
I will always love him.
memories will be brought up by the smallest things.
Good ones.
And bad.
One's that will make me cry
And others that will make me laugh.
But all of them will make me think of him and bring that familiar pain back.
His smile.
His laugh.
The worried look he'd give me,
When he knew I was holding everything back.
The way he would hold me,
Until I told him everything.
But now, all I want is for him to get out of my head.
For good.
So someone else can take his place.
And not leave me open to heartbreak.
Is it an impossibility?
Probably.
But I can hope...
Right?

:D I feel... known!!

Okay, so I was walking through the hallway, minding my own business,
And this chick (Melissa Alexander whom is running for Secretary) walked up to me and was like,
"Hey! You wanna sticke-HEY! Your Mattie! Stacey's rookie for guard!"
I was all like..."^3^ Yesh I am!"
(: I was all like, YESHHH!!!!!
I was so excited! No one cares about the guard rookies....(:
Which is MEEEE!
(Your right, no one cares.)
D:> Don't make me die again.
(D: Don't DIEEEE!!!!)
See you do care:]
(...DAMN)
HA!! Win!!!
By the way, I would just like to point out...
I love you more, Michael!!!!!!
Yes, Michael and I have fights about whom loves whom more xD
But of course everyone knows I love him with all my butt!
And it's MUCH bigger than his heart or butt (:<
(Hmm... maybe you win... for once...)
-.- I win ALL the time.
Oh yeah, I am now obsessed with Animal: Neon trees (:
"Here we go again, I wanna be more than friends...."
*HINT HINT TO CERTAIN PEOPLE*
(Dx Stop being a chicken pervert-face and just them them about the like FOUR different guys your falling for already >.<)
NEVA! DEY ARE MY SECRETS!
(You know someone else is going to get them if you don't..)
)': I know... But-
(But what? You know I'm right.)
I know... I loathe that fact though....
(And you also loathe me, but you tell me everything)
BECAUSE YOUR IN MY HEAD!
Oh yea! Someone sent me a question on Formspring...
And it was all like: "Which is worse? Loving someone that doesn't love you, loving someone that*i don't remember the rest but I remember the last one...*
"Loving the friend of someone that loves you?"
I was all like...
*heartbroken </////3*
(Why...?)
I thought you would know! Your in my head!
(You block things out...from everyone)
SHUT UP! I ALREADY KNOW THIS!
(...)
-.- I had a suspicion of something...
(Of what..?)
NOTHING!
(What..?)
Nu! ): I'll be upset!!... and it's only Biology!
(TELL ME!!)
No! Because, didn't you see my dream last night?!
(Oh yeah....)
Yeah, THAT dream.
(That was so sad! I cried too! )':   )
Good! I wasn't the only one!
:D Hahahahaha, Dr. Mullen...
You a-makin' meh laugh.
"I dislike sparkily shirts, it's to flashy... Mr. Green likes it too much -.-"
I LUFF YOU DR. MULLEN!!
xD
Well... bai b-
XD Dr. Mullen, you make my life.
"Oh sh*t, I forgot to send in attendance. OH SH*T! I mean...crap?"
xD
Okie, okie
Bye bye!
(finally.....)
-.-

~Mattie

So... life?

So... life...
Who the *HELL* does it think it is!?!
Oh yeah... it's life...
Anywho, does it think it's funny to make me hurt about EVERYTHING?!
Because it's not!
(Yes it is)
Shut up brain! Er... Squirt! Uh... Whatever I named you!
(NEVA!)
-.- Thanks.
^ Oh yeah, that face, right there, got in me in some depressing mood.
THANK YOU EMOTION-CON! >.<
Don't ask why, I don't know why either....
GOD I'M SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW!
>.< So, what should one do when they think they like someone but they can't do anything about it?
Because I am so lost with this question...
I do loathe Hebrew Scriptures...
(Why are you blogging in class)
BECAUSE IT'S CHILL!
(Right... >.>)
SHUT UP SQUIRT!
(NEVA! BWHAHA!)
Gr...
(Hey aren't you getting creeped on?)
Oh yeah!
So there's this one girl in my class.
And I mean shes in ALL my classes.
It's kinda weird because we were on the same track team last year.
And I somewhat talked to her, but not really.
Now she keeps talking to me one Skype, because we are in the same English group.
So here's who she started talking to me.
Her-"U r a good actor"
Me-"Well thank ya :DD"
and so on, I'm to lazy to type anything else.
Plus Mr. -pervert-face- Green is creeping!
GAH!
Ewww
Wow.
Now I'm in Math...
ICKY~
I dislike math!
(Yeah that's why your failing it)
-.- Suck my non-existent... ya know what? Nevermind....
(Yeah that's right)
**dies**
(Huh?)
**is still dead**
(Nooo!!!)
**is dead**
(Ugh, fine. This is the end of this blog, hope you like it! :D)